Time for a little transparency - I'm going to drop any pretense, because this is important to me. I want to be wise.
I want to understand, I want to be a man who sees what other people don't see. I want to be a man who can sense (and move to) the rhythm of holiness in everyday life. I want to give counsel that will lead people to truth and peace; to be not just patient or loving gentle or strong with my daughter, but to raise her to know and love truth. I want my decisions and my words to reflect the very will of God.
Is it asking a lot? Yeah, probably. Am I going to stop asking for it? No.
I don't think much about promotion. I don' t care very deeply if some people don't get me (a little or at all). I could care less about becoming wealthy, or prominent. But I want, at my core, to be wise.
Or, at least, I thought I did. But then I started to read:
Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."How much time and effort have I put in to gaining a true and deep knowledge of God? How many hours of study have I invested? Some, certainly. But not as many as would seem to lead to the kind of wisdom I claim to thirst for. It's like saying I want to get into shape.... just not by running, or working, or sweating. Can't I order something off of the TV for that?
I like this a lot better:
James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."That's the kind of wisdom I want... a supernatural wisdom that God gives me. It's by faith, right? I'm not going to try to live by works. And I especially like the "without finding fault" part.
But maybe a little work is just what I need.
If I sit at a table full of food and decide that, out of faith, I am going to ask God to nourish me but I will not raise one bite to my lips, I will starve. It's not that God doesn't want me to live or to be strong, but when he has given a way that I have refused to accept, he rarely seems to offer a second one. I may pray, in faith, "Father, I believe that you are able to care for my physical needs". His response? "I am not just able - I have already done it. Look in front of you."
In the same way, when I ask for wisdom through a special revelation but neglect the words that God has said time and time again that I need to live my life by if I expect to do it right, I am a fool. Instead of getting me closer to wisdom, it takes me ever further from it. Like so many aspects of this physical/spiritual life we lead, the act of faith without the work of obedience is empty.
And then I have a second understanding: I am not sure that what I am asking for is even wisdom at all.
Proverbs 12:1 "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid."Am I asking for discipline? Am I submitting to correction, and, beyond that, welcoming it? Am I seeking to understand what is right and just and fair, or do I want a crystal ball to tell me the optimal time to ask for a raise?
Proverbs 1:9 "Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path."
Imagine a man prays, day after day, for wisdom and for understanding. And, day after day, he has nothing but trouble. Financial problems, issues with relationships failing at work, discord in his family, and no sense of a foundation upon which life may be lived in security. At first, he assumes his prayers are not being heard. He practices patience, and continues to pray. But after a time, he gives up and curses God - "All I asked for was wisdom, and all you gave me was trouble!"
"He who hates correction is stupid."
When I am asking for wisdom, am I asking to be shown what is good, and right, and true? Am I asking to be refined until what is impure and worthless in me is destroyed by fire? Or am I asking God to show me the path of maximum benefit and minimal cost - a spiritual Cole's Notes? Am I not just asking God to give me something that is abhorrent to him, but failing to recognize what is truly priceless when he provides it at the same time?
What is it that I really want?
2 comments:
And *this* is another reason why I'm enjoying this blog.
Have you read anything by Charlie Peacock? I'm reading one of his books right now and it's good and gritty. I think it's called "New Way to be Human." There's a guy who gets it.
And, BTW, Derek Webb's song "Nobody Loves Me" is one of my all-time favorites. I quoted it in one of my missionary care presentations.
I haven't read it - I got his first one (Crossroads) which was just terrible. Some decent points but weakly argued and not really written in a very compelling way... I guess that after his music it just felt so artless. I can believe that he's gotten better, though. If you have enough luggage space, would you toss that one in and I'll read it while you're here?
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