Prayer, Part II... and a half

We continued our study on prayer last night at YAGS, talking about how to get ready to pray. Should be simple, right? Well, it hasn't been for me.

I have spent years trying to figure this out... mostly the stupid way - trying unsuccessfully and getting frustrated, but not enough to actually seek out help. When I came to the point of needing to pray in the same way that I need air or food, I started to learn a bit more, and, far more importantly, to be changed by it. As I've studied it, I've learned more still.

I think there are two things that have really helped me.

First, as I've understood more and more of what prayer is supposed to be, I've been able both to pray in a way that is oriented to that and to recognize when it is what it should be. Before, it was like the first time someone gave me a kite as a little kid. I tried to play with it, but it was too big to really handle easily, like my other toys. I tried to throw it in the air like a paper airplane, but it just crashed down again. "This is the stupidest toy, ever" I thought. But when I saw it fly for the first time, I understood... I hadn't known how to interact with it, and certainly had no idea that THAT was what it was for. Learning what it really was and how it worked made all the difference.

Second, and much more personally, I've seen that God wants me without reservation. He wants me to seek him with all I am and have. He wants me to submit without holding anything back. And when I do, he moves me. He works in me and around me. He comforts me, and he answers my prayers. And when I don't, it's a lot like sitting in my room talking to my ceiling.

I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could do what I want and have God cater to me. But that's not the way it works. And that's what makes this whole thing something that is impossible to do - or even really consider - intellectually.

I saw someone on the train recently reading a book about how to ride a horse. He was on the "Galloping" chapter. I've seen it in other places, too... reading about mixing music, about seeing the world in a creative way as a photographer. I've felt it pretty acutely when trying to learn to golf or ski. There are some things you can learn by reading about them, and there are some that you can't. You can read all you want, but until you've been on the back of a horse that has its head and wants to go, you don't know what galloping is. And until you decide, for the moment you are in, to live in complete and total submission, you will never know what prayer really is, either.

The notes for the second part are here. (The ones from the first part are here in case you missed them). You can find the other related posts by following the link on the "prayer" topic. So let me know what you think. And I'll see you in a couple of weeks at Sam and Michelle's.

Prayer, Part II

Well, contrary to (or maybe in part due to) my concern, the discussion on prayer that we had on Tuesday night went well.

I have come to really deeply appreciate the fact that I have a community, a group of friends who are ready and willing to look at difficult and important issues together, who are able to grapple with uncertainty, to be open to new ideas and to care for each other even though our views sometimes differ. I think that sometimes I take it for granted, but it was a really beautiful experience for me to realize that as I sat there with you and talked about something that is very important to me, I did it in the light of your acceptance and love and desire to explore it with me. I love that, and the freedom that comes with it is amazing.

For those who weren't there (maybe not even on the same continent - no hard feelings), you can download the notes here. In addition, I have a simple excel sheet that you can use to track things that you want to pray for regularly (daily or weekly) as well as specific items that you want to pray for until they are resolved. You can get that here.

There is more to come - I promised to provide some more details on the premise that God has chosen to limit his work on earth to what can be done through active or passive human complicity. I haven't had the time to put it all together yet, and though we may disagree about the wording, if we can agree simply that God's usual way of working is in cooperation with mankind it is enough to move forward.

In the meantime, whether you were part of the original discussion or not, I want to encourage you to leave your thoughts and comments. Let's explore this together.

Prayer, Part I

I have always wondered about prayer - to me, it is one of the greatest mysteries of a life of faith. It seems to have the potential for such greatness (and, for some, reaches that level) but, for most of us, remains difficult, disappointing, and rather confusing. I have learned a lot about this over the last year, both in my experience and in study, and decided to lead some discussions on the topic for a group at my church over the next couple of months.

So tonight, as I work on the final preparations for the first talk tomorrow, here's what I find going through my mind:

• Why did I ever think this was a good idea?
• More to the point, why did I think I should be the one doing it?
• How in the world am I supposed to fit everything that should be said into four 1-hour sessions?!?
• How am I supposed to figure out everything that should be said in the first place?
  

It seems so... big. And difficult. And, honestly, a long ways beyond me. Most of the time, I tend to talk about things that have been a puzzle for me, topics that have been troubling me and that I have wanted to dive in and gain some certainty (or at least a better perspective) on, and then I am able to share both the process and the discoveries I have made with the people around me. But this seems different.

Even after a lot of study, I still feel like I have more questions than answers. And if I don't know the truth, it will be hard for me to present much of value. What I know I don't want is to be the blind man pretending that he is capable of actually being a guide... and ending up dragging someone into a hole with me as I fall. So, somewhat ironically, I will be praying that I am able to talk about prayer in a way that honors God and is in keeping with the truth.

I'll report back on Wednesday...