Prayer, Part II... and a half

We continued our study on prayer last night at YAGS, talking about how to get ready to pray. Should be simple, right? Well, it hasn't been for me.

I have spent years trying to figure this out... mostly the stupid way - trying unsuccessfully and getting frustrated, but not enough to actually seek out help. When I came to the point of needing to pray in the same way that I need air or food, I started to learn a bit more, and, far more importantly, to be changed by it. As I've studied it, I've learned more still.

I think there are two things that have really helped me.

First, as I've understood more and more of what prayer is supposed to be, I've been able both to pray in a way that is oriented to that and to recognize when it is what it should be. Before, it was like the first time someone gave me a kite as a little kid. I tried to play with it, but it was too big to really handle easily, like my other toys. I tried to throw it in the air like a paper airplane, but it just crashed down again. "This is the stupidest toy, ever" I thought. But when I saw it fly for the first time, I understood... I hadn't known how to interact with it, and certainly had no idea that THAT was what it was for. Learning what it really was and how it worked made all the difference.

Second, and much more personally, I've seen that God wants me without reservation. He wants me to seek him with all I am and have. He wants me to submit without holding anything back. And when I do, he moves me. He works in me and around me. He comforts me, and he answers my prayers. And when I don't, it's a lot like sitting in my room talking to my ceiling.

I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could do what I want and have God cater to me. But that's not the way it works. And that's what makes this whole thing something that is impossible to do - or even really consider - intellectually.

I saw someone on the train recently reading a book about how to ride a horse. He was on the "Galloping" chapter. I've seen it in other places, too... reading about mixing music, about seeing the world in a creative way as a photographer. I've felt it pretty acutely when trying to learn to golf or ski. There are some things you can learn by reading about them, and there are some that you can't. You can read all you want, but until you've been on the back of a horse that has its head and wants to go, you don't know what galloping is. And until you decide, for the moment you are in, to live in complete and total submission, you will never know what prayer really is, either.

The notes for the second part are here. (The ones from the first part are here in case you missed them). You can find the other related posts by following the link on the "prayer" topic. So let me know what you think. And I'll see you in a couple of weeks at Sam and Michelle's.