Advertising

There are a few that have really stood out to me, lately... one I haven't been able to find in a form that I can share with you here, so I'm going to hold off on telling you about it for now, but a couple of quick ones...

The colon cancer people actually have this as their catchphrase: We're behind your behind. I heard it on the radio and thought it was a joke, but it's the real deal. I think that's brilliant.

And another that was brilliant in a somewhat less intentional way was for a furniture store: "save up to 30% or more!".

Now this has been a pet peeve of mine for a while... seeing a sign in a store saying "Sale - up to 50% off". I might be the only one, but I'm a lot less interested in knowing that, if I go in, I am guaranteed never to be able to save more than 50%... I'd like to know I'm going to get it for at least whatever percent off. If I had my way, all the save "up to" signs would be replaced by save "at least" signs.

But being told that I will save absolutely no more than 30% or I will save more than 30%... well, how can you not trust those guys? I would suggest double-checking when they're ringing things through, though... just in case.

Happy shopping.

Glenmore Audi Wants to Rip You Off

So, I've been looking at cars online in preparation for my move back, and I found this one:

Description : PREMIUM Package, Sport Package, Xenon Headlights. FOR MORE INFO CALL: LOCAL 536-3765 OR TOLL FREE 1(866)769-6851

Year: 2003
Make: AUDI
Model: A4
Stock Number: U0647AA Mileage: 45,600
Warranty : Available Body : Sedan
Type : Sedan

It was selling for $13,900, and had pictures of the car, complete with manual transmission. So I called the dealership and spoke to Scott, who assured me that it was a great car, but, unfortunately he had heard there was a little issue with the price it had been advertised at: in fact, it was $6,000 more.

Whoopsie.

He asked if I was still interested, so I said I was, and asked for some more information. It turns out, though, that the car in question was not only $6K more than advertised - it also had double the mileage and an automatic transmission. As far as I can determine, the body color was the same, but that seems to be about it.

I could maybe accept this as a little error, except it's the second car I've been interested in at Glenmore Audi in Calgary this week, and, coincidentally, the second one they've had a little misunderstanding with. The other one had a small "error" in the price it was advertised at, as well.

An A6 with difference of about $10K.

I don't usually name names on TYC: it's meant to be a venue for love and peace and happiness, but I did a search on "glenmore audi scam" and it didn't return anything. But people should know, and these guys should not be able to lie without being called on it.

So if you've found this by doing a search on "glenmore audi scam" or "cheats" or "rip-off" or "lying lies and the lying lyers who tell them", then I'd suggest you do what I'm doing, and keep shopping somewhere else.

And if anybody knows where the A4 with 45,000 km on it actually is (the pictures had to come from somewhere, right?), I'm interested.

In Chips I Trust

I have been pretty busy lately... about a month until I'll be homeless, and I have a lot to do to try to make the transition a smooth one. It's amazing how much energy it takes just to get out of Switzerland.

But that's not what I want to write about today; my hard drive crashed. My external one, that had my iTunes files on it (thankfully, so did my iPod), and a whole bunch of my pictures.

Before you say anything, yes, I learned my lesson, and I now have an online backup/archive plan, and more or less the entire contents of my computer is being uploaded as we speak. Or, I guess, as I write and you read, unless you read this in March 2009 or something.

Anyways, I'm hoping that it can be recovered, that it's just the power for the disk, and that perhaps if I buy another one the same and swap out the disks, I'll get my data back. The problem is, when it comes to technology, I am a complete and hopeless optimist. This shouldn't be a huge surprise - that's more or less what I'm like about other things (like people), too. And I love being an optimist, being trusting. The problem is, it doesn't always pan out.

I bought this external drive from a friend, and when it went down, I asked him where he got it, so I could see if they could help me with it. He was pretty concerned... "did I give you the receipt?". I wasn't sure, but I had a pretty good hunch (knowing him) that he did and that I (knowing me) threw it away.

Why would I throw it away? Because I somehow believe that nothing will ever go wrong with any piece of electronic equipment I buy.

Of course, I say this as I type on a PC that's been through more than one hard drive, took about 3 weeks to accept a firewire card, writing on a monitor that often shows little streaks beside text as though it had been smeared across the screen. Never with pictures - only with text. Beside me sits a mixer which used to have 2 firewire ports (hence the need for the card) but now only has one that works. Behind it is a keyboard which is currently willing to produce about 15 of it's purported 800 or so sounds. And the iPod that saved all my music is one that had died twice within 9 months of buying it - and the last time, they couldn't even fix it.

Yet I throw out every receipt for everything electronic that I ever buy. Strange, eh?

I'm not sure why it works that way. Part of it, now, may be to keep me from ever having to deal with aggressive, suddenly-no-one-in-the-store-speaks-English "customer service" people, a real treat in Geneva. Part of it may be some misguided idea that the object of my trust can be made reliable simply by me placing enough trust in it. THAT's a tough one to learn, I'll tell you.

But I think that mostly, it's just this: I'm surrounded by the stuff. I make my living with it, pursue most of my recreational activities with it, and even use it to keep the little chick acquainted with her grandparents. If it doesn't work, where does that leave me?

Frankly, I'd rather think about the move...

Another Wow

Vegan triathletes.

Now, I bet THEY have great parties. Wheat juice and wetsuit talk, anyone?

Anyone?

And for those of you who think advertising is of no use, I found this via a google ad on my email. Definitely worth a click...

Rolex

The Rolex golf ads feature shots of all the players who endorse them, golfing... and not wearing watches.

Now THAT's subtle.

Can You Spare A Quarter

There are always people begging or busking outside the bank near my place. This is in a country where you can get a $1000 bill from an ATM, and $200's are so common you can use one to buy a pack of gum.

Hasn't it occurred to them that no one is going to be coming out of there with something small enough that they'll be willing to part with it?

"Hey, man, it's okay... I can make change..."

At Least They Say Good-Bye

I haven't been everywhere. I suppose, if it comes down to it, that I haven't even been most places. But so far, I'm nominating Switzerland (maybe I should say Geneva) as having the worst customer service on the planet, except for the fact that they often say "hello" when you arrive and "good-bye" when you leave.

There are exceptions; every once in a while someone does something right. But it's rare.

Today was a typical example. I have been looking for a bag or backpack for camera stuff. I went to the biggest camera shop in town, called Photo Hall, to check it out and to ask about the price of a little adapter guy that magnifies an image by 2x.

Now, I can preface my story by saying that this: when I first purchased my camera, I was looking at online prices in Switzerland to try to shop wisely. I know that it's more here than in the US, but it wasn't too much of a difference. So I went into the aforementioned Photo Hall and told a guy what I was going to buy. I showed him the prices I could get it for in Zurich, and said that if he'd match the price, I would like to buy it from him.

He took my sheet, opened up his price list, wrote down the list price next to each of the prices on my sheet, did the total and handed it back to me, without saying a word.

"That's it?" I asked, "you won't move at all?". He just shook his head. I laughed, congratulated him on losing a sale but maintaining his honor, hoped almost sincerely that he would be able to make his rent payment out of his extra stored-up honor at the end of the month, and found the door.

So, my expectations weren't too high today.

First of all, the lens adapter thing (called a teleconverter). I went in and asked for the price, just out of curiosity. He looked at me suspiciously:

"For which lens?"

"Huh?" I was a bit surprised... I didn't think that there were multiple versions of it for different lenses. But I told him the lens I wanted to use it with.

"It doesn't work with that one," he said, "that lens only works with this teleconverter." And he pointed to another one (1.7x instead of 2x) that they happened to have in stock.

"Uh, no," I replied, "it works quite well with the 2x. I've seen the pictures."

"With autofocus? No, I don't think so".

I just shook my head. "What's the price, monsieur?"

Now, I can understand that, in technical issues, "the customer is always right" is a dangerous mantra to live by. But "the customer deserves a sliver of respect" may serve these guys well. In this case, I don't know if he was lying or just ill-informed, but he was most certainly wrong. I pity the people who go to this shop for advice without having done their own homework.

The good news, for me, is that they did have the backpack I have been wondering about in stock. I had a chance to try it on, see how the construction was, and check out how things would fit inside. Then I took a look at the price:

$540

Yes, you're reading that right. It's for a backpack... a backpack I can buy online for $150 or $160 pretty easily in the US or Canada.

I thought about asking for a discount, but decided I'd had enough fun for one day. Maybe I'll go back and inquire about it next week.

"Good-bye!"

Truth In Advertising

My dish soap is "Waterfall" flavor.

After several uses, I am not convinced that it's based on a real waterfall.




Thinking of trying to get my money back and buying "Summer Meadow", instead, except that that occasional whiff of manure may turn out to be a poor choice. It's hard to know stuff like that in advance, you know?

It's Different

Well, the little chick and I are back in Calgary. It's good to be with my family again, but strange in many ways. It's very, very odd to try to get my head around the fact that, a year from now, I'll be living here.

Everything is so far apart... I haven't even been here a week, and I miss walking. I almost never drive at home, and here, you don't have much choice. I'm really not crazy about that.

Things are so inexpensive. We're about to head out to the grocery store, and I'm looking forward to it. We stopped in for a few minutes before, and I was shocked, again, at how much variety there is, and how low the prices are. There is a lot of variety in Switzerland, too, but in strange ways... there will be 300 kinds of olive oil, but only two types of salad dressing (with maybe 3 brands of each).

The people are really friendly. My parents were commenting that customer service has really gone downhill lately, but when we were in one store and just turning around to go back and get something we had missed, a guy actually stopped and asked if there was anything he could help us with. In Geneva, if you can find someone in a store, they usually make you feel like they're doing you some immense favor just by opening up and letting you in. If you're going to start asking questions, maybe you should just shop somewhere else.

That said, I'm looking forward to going to get some ranch dressing, and good tortilla chips, and probably a whole bunch of other stuff that I didn't even know I was missing. I just hope that I don't get hungry for rösti, fondue, and fresh truffles...

Oh, Happy Day

I found my sunglasses. I had bought some new jeans, and tossed them into the bag on the way out of the store. It's happy, happy news. Not only do I have my favorite sunglasses back, I can maintain that I don't lose stuff like that. Pride and cool shades: what else could I possibly ask for?

I Smell Like Soap

Soap-scented perfume.

Who thought this was a good idea? And what are the odds of so many things going wrong in the precise sequence needed to bring this idea to fruition?

1. Someone says, "hey, we should make perfume that smells like soap!" They don't just say this to themselves, but actually let other people hear them.
   
2. Someone else has the chance to say "you're fired" and, instead, says, "that's a great idea!". Something a little fishy going on there? I think we both know the answer to that one.
3. Some guys in the lab not only agree to the project, but put in the hours needed to create a "just like a nurse's hands" kind of vibe
4. A focus group somehow gives off the impression that, should a product like this be made available on the market, they would be sure to buy it - regularly, and in the largest sizes available
5. A finance committee believes that the fiscal security of their company would be well protected by more people smelling like soap
6. A marketing team finds a way to make it seem like a good idea ("everyone will think you're clean, even when you're not!")
7. No court, at civic, state, federal, or international level sees fit to side with justice
8. Perfume shop managers decide to clear some shelf space ("say, Emmet - maybe if we get rid of that stock of soap that we had that just hasn't been moving, we can make space for this hot new brand that smells like... soap!" - "Killer idea, Dean. High five!")

And here, we have two divergent paths.

1. The first, only mildly frightening - someone decides to buy it without ever having smelled it, likely based on the pretty colors on the box and perhaps the slide whistle (as in, "clean as...") thrown in to make it a "gift set"
2. The second, much more insidious - someone smells it, realizes it smells like soap, and decides to buy it anyways ("you know, baby, it really gets me going when you smell like grandma")

And finally, someone gains ownership of a bottle of this perfume, by legitimate or illicit means, puts it on for the first time (or... no, I don't even want to think about that) and decides that it would still be a pretty good idea to go outside.

It's just too crazy. If I hadn't smelled it myself, I would never have believed it. Does someone have some insight for me, here?!?

Serisously Domesticated

I went to pick up some groceries this morning. I did a little dance when they had my favorite ham (it's not usually in stock). I actually caught myself saying "excellent" out loud when I saw that diapers were on for half price. These two, plus the fact that I got kiwi-scented dish soap had me singing all the way home.

Oh, and I got some absolutely gorgeous pictures this afternoon. I haven't edited them yet, but trust me - you're going to like them... the sun was just perfect. Coming soon...

I Forgot, Part II

Well, at least I remembered my mp3 player. But I forgot my toiletries bag. So, in the interest of keeping my job and perhaps my friends, at lunch I wandered off in search of a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. I found them. I bought:

1 OralB Cross-Action toothbrush (brand new, never used)
1 tube of Crest toothpaste (which fights cavities on teeth AND roots. Finally!)
1. stick of Borotalco deodorant. Catchy name, eh? Another fine example of Swiss marketing savvy.

And for this, I paid 32 CHF. That's about $30 CDN, or $26 USD.

Now I've lived in Switzerland for long enough to have learned how to deal with obscene prices. But this is crazy. I better smell really, really good after this. And not get cavities in my roots.

Shopping After Hours

Geneva is a good place to window-shop, since they usually display the prices and the shops are closed most of the time. I saw these two checking out watches a couple evenings ago.

From The "They Just Don't Get It" File

I'm looking at getting a camera. I found a shop in Switzerland with a decent price on the camera and lens I want, but it looked like the camera was out of stock. So I sent an email asking when it would be available, and I got this message back:

Dear customer

Thank you for choosing Architronic. We are honoured about the confidence you have shown into our company and products. As a pure E-tailer we are focussed only on the German speaking part of Switzerland. We are therefore glad to assist and serve you exclusively in German language, regardless if you contact us by phone, fax, mail or via email.

Thanks for your understanding.

The Architronic Team

Now, I must admit that getting an email in response to a query to a Swiss retailer was absolutely unheard of when I first moved here almost seven years ago. They all had pages and addresses, but out of dozens of mails I send, I never had a response. And getting it in the same day is not bad by any standard.

But the thing I don't get is the interesting combination of pointing out that they are a "pure e-tailer" and, at the same time, having shrewdly chosen to limit themselves to a small geographic and linguistic market.

The response I wanted to send:

Dear Sirs - thanks for the advance warning. I would fear for my soul and sanity, had I actually transacted business with someone unable to recognize that the whole point of the internet is for you to be able to take money from people like me who don't live on your street. I am forced to conclude that anyone with your clear business acumen would likely be unable to select the correct box or mail it to the specified address, anyways. Much obliged, Darryl.

The response I sent:

Okay, thanks. I'll order it from someone else.


Which leads me to one of the pillars upon which my life is lived: never waste sarcasm on those who don't deserve it. It's hard to hold back, but, in the long run, I believe it's worth it.

Perfume

Looking into a perfume shop on my walk to work.

Shopping Lists And Putting On Chains

It's interesting seeing what people buy, and I'm always intrigued to see who's got what in the checkout line. I've had some good combinations before, but I think tonights was not too bad.

2 leeks (large)
2 boxes of Pim's chocolate/raspberry cookies
1 bottle of red wine

Now, I think that while the Pim's and the wine may be pretty predictable (if you haven't had these cookies... well, you need to), but the leeks add a lot. First, as a man buying unprepared vegetables, I think that puts me into a pretty special category to start with. But then, leeks are not like peas or lettuce or something that you just wash or steam and serve. They have a bit of mystery to them, and indicate a bit more intention. I like that.

Also worth noting is that I learned how to put the snow chains on my tires this weekend. We were in the mountains, and while the roads were bare and dry on Friday, there was a pretty reasonable amount of snow that fell Saturday and Sunday before we left.

I have often been sad that, as far as I can tell, a lot of the stereotypical male abilities that reach back generations in my family may well die with my dad (which is hopefully not soon). Neither of my brothers or I show much of an inclination towards being able wire our own homes or rebuild an engine. I can put up drywall, but you probably wouldn't want to live in the room after.

So it made me pretty happy to get the chains figured out. I recall pulling them out one other time and, after a few minutes, deciding to just take my chances with the snow. But this time I was determined, and I like that now I know how to get them on. So, the future of Delamont men is perhaps not all without hope.

More reflections on the weekend to come soon, I promise...

In The News: Montreux and DJ Bobo

Well, there were a couple big announcements today. First, the Montreux Jazz Festival announced that it will only be using two of the three usual venues that they've had for years. Sadly, that means that the casino hall will no longer be used. I only saw one show there - Tony Bennett - and while it would be a stretch to really call the room a concert hall, I was in the front row for this, and the stage was only a couple of steps up, six feet from the seats. It was incredible, especially when he put his mic down and just sang a song with the piano on his own. Stravinsky hall can feel intimate, too, for a 5000-person venue, and I still believe that it's the best venue I've ever been in, but it's a shame to see the casino go.

They also had some good news - no more "jazz". Previously, you had to exchange your Swiss Francs for "Jazz" tokens to buy anything at the festival, which was absolutely insane.It was a terrible idea, and I'm glad they're going to start using real money. I just can't wait until this year's line-up is announced (usually in April or May). Like, bouncing up and down in my seat kind of can't wait. It's going to be good, and I hope that Bryan Adams is playing there again so I can see him twice this year.


And then the other news: the Eurovision Song Contest has revealed that the Swiss entry will be none other than the round-faced, poorly-goateed, Swiss-German-techno-crap-making D.J. Bobo.

If you don't know about Eurovision, let me tell you that it may be the most spectacular entertainment extravaganza in the world. This is the premise: each country in Europe may qualify either by winning regional competitions, be finishing high enough in the previous year, or by paying off the organizers to enter a singer and song from that country. The winner is determined by popluar telephone vote, and the winning country hosts the next year's event.

The reality is that the songs are terrible, the performances are worse, the voting is ALWAYS by block (the noridc countries, the balkans...) and the commentators absolutely rip the thing apart.
It's fantastic, and it may be the most surreal, hilarious thing you see all year. And you need to watch it, so mark your calendar for May 12 at my place, and consider this an invitation - my place at 7:00. Semi-finals will be May 10, so you can show up then, too, if you want. And having D.J. Bobo will only make it that much worse... ironically enough, making it that much better. It's going to be a good year...

[EDIT] Okay, as I looked over this I started to realize that what passes as "news" for me may not be quite what you were expecting. If you are interested in something a little more substantive, can I suggest you check out Josh's blog? Yeah, I think more about who is going to be coming for Country Night than I do about world hunger. That's just the way it is.

Question Of The Day

What is the shelf-life of shampoo? Anyone?

Regression

Remember then the two bladed razors with "suspension" came out (like the sensor excel)? I watched the commercials and distinctly remember seeing a close-up of a few whiskers being cut. From the close-up, it was clear that the first blade missed the whole bottom part of the whisker. But, thankfully, the second one came along and got it all.

Whew! Good thing it had the second blade, I thought. I better get one.

I used one of these for a long time. Sure, one stroke wasn't quite enough... I would usually end up shaving a few times with the grain and then a few more against, but I like a really close shave. It worked pretty well. Sure the blades are $2 each, but sometimes that's just the price you need to pay.

Then they came out with one with three blades. And right in time, it seems. New animation technology made it possible to determine that while it had seemed that the second blade in fact got the whole whisker, it left some, too. The good news was that they introduced a new razor with three blades. Talk about timing it right for the market - amazing!

When I tried one of these, I noticed there were some drawbacks, though. These blades were even more expensive, but didn't seem to last any longer. And, while you would think it would reduce the number of passes need by a third, it didn't seem to quite work out that way. And it was starting to feel a little more like shaving with someone else holding the razor... not much precision, since it was so wide. In fact, I couldn't even shave properly under my nose. So yeah, I tried it, but stuck to the two-bladed ones.

And it's gone on since then. Four blades, batteries... I think there's a new one that includes an ape who will sign obscenities at you when you cut yourself. And I just saw an add for the Gillette Fusion which has, as far as I can tell from the commercial, 11 blades. It's about 8 inches wide. In the animation, it's at least clear that (finally!) we have the technology to get the last of that whisker in one stroke. Or at least that what I assume... it takes about 3 minutes to get to the end, so I've actually never finished watching. And since it's about the same size as a tennis racket, they've actually added another blade on the back so you can fit it to shave under your nose. Word on the street is if having an additional blade on the back does not prove to be dangerous enough, they have a plan in the works to be able to ship it with blades actually in the handle. Of course, the blades are $27 each, and you have to know the secret handshake to get them unlocked from behind the counter at the store.

Whatever. I'm growing a beard. I'll post picture in August so you can see how it's coming.