Regression

Remember then the two bladed razors with "suspension" came out (like the sensor excel)? I watched the commercials and distinctly remember seeing a close-up of a few whiskers being cut. From the close-up, it was clear that the first blade missed the whole bottom part of the whisker. But, thankfully, the second one came along and got it all.

Whew! Good thing it had the second blade, I thought. I better get one.

I used one of these for a long time. Sure, one stroke wasn't quite enough... I would usually end up shaving a few times with the grain and then a few more against, but I like a really close shave. It worked pretty well. Sure the blades are $2 each, but sometimes that's just the price you need to pay.

Then they came out with one with three blades. And right in time, it seems. New animation technology made it possible to determine that while it had seemed that the second blade in fact got the whole whisker, it left some, too. The good news was that they introduced a new razor with three blades. Talk about timing it right for the market - amazing!

When I tried one of these, I noticed there were some drawbacks, though. These blades were even more expensive, but didn't seem to last any longer. And, while you would think it would reduce the number of passes need by a third, it didn't seem to quite work out that way. And it was starting to feel a little more like shaving with someone else holding the razor... not much precision, since it was so wide. In fact, I couldn't even shave properly under my nose. So yeah, I tried it, but stuck to the two-bladed ones.

And it's gone on since then. Four blades, batteries... I think there's a new one that includes an ape who will sign obscenities at you when you cut yourself. And I just saw an add for the Gillette Fusion which has, as far as I can tell from the commercial, 11 blades. It's about 8 inches wide. In the animation, it's at least clear that (finally!) we have the technology to get the last of that whisker in one stroke. Or at least that what I assume... it takes about 3 minutes to get to the end, so I've actually never finished watching. And since it's about the same size as a tennis racket, they've actually added another blade on the back so you can fit it to shave under your nose. Word on the street is if having an additional blade on the back does not prove to be dangerous enough, they have a plan in the works to be able to ship it with blades actually in the handle. Of course, the blades are $27 each, and you have to know the secret handshake to get them unlocked from behind the counter at the store.

Whatever. I'm growing a beard. I'll post picture in August so you can see how it's coming.

I Hate Physics

No offence to Science Nathan, Fred, or any of my other friends inclined in this direction. And, to be clear, I don't discount either the challenge or value of their research. I just hate the effects of physics.

There's the whole, "wow, I really didn't mean for that to fall, unbidden, to the earth and shatter" thing, but that's not even the one that really gets me. What I want to know is, why does music have to go flat when I yawn? Yeah, I know that the change in shape of my jaw when I extend it to yawn lessens the tension in my eardrum, and the rate of vibration that my ear senses has to change accordingly. I know why it happens, physically. But I don't know why it has to happen, metaphysically.

I don't want it to sound like all of a sudden everyone decided to detune... even if there was a musical precedent for it, it almost always ruins a song to key-change down partway through. And it never sounds even... my mind always remembers the key we're supposed to be in, and I generally just hear the vocal sliding down at first. I can't always stifle the yawn until between tunes, though I would if I could, believe me. So, when I'm tired or bored, I run the risk of having my music turning sour. Talk about a vicious cycle.

Maybe physics aren't to blame - maybe it's a physiological issue, and I just need some kind of rigid inner-ear implants to ensure that the tension in my ear is constant, regardless of what the rest of my head is doing. Hmmmmmm. I wonder if it would be possible to rig something up with paper-clips and saran wrap? Looks like I have a new weekend project. If anyone else wants to help with the research, I'll provide lunch and headphones. Please bring your own anesthetic.