I Don't Know Who I Am, Anymore

Well, I have a friend who just did the Myers-Briggs thing (MBTI), and so I decided to revisit mine as well.

And I'm shocked. Here are the results... you may want to sit down for this:

Well, there goes my ENFJ label. I'm not a J, I'm a P!

So I'm guessing that Miss Spitfire, anonymous, and a couple others are following this with interest, and probably quite a few of you are just idly wondering if I've posted more pictures at the bottom or not. Sorry, no. But maybe it will help if I explain a bit.

You see, the J stands for "judging" and the p for "perceiving". But they don't really mean what you would usually guess from the words (whether someone is judgmental or preceptive - hardly an even set of options on offer there!). In fact, they indicate if you prefer more open-ended situations (perceiving) or are happier with structure (judging). Or, alternately, do you tend to flit about like an artist (P) or should you be working for P&G (J).

Well, I guess this changes for me, day to day and situation to situation. At work, I crave flexibility. If an interesting opportunity comes up, something that suits me and that I could really nail, I want to be free to pursue it. In terms of how much mess I'm happy to live in at home... bring on the structure, baby. In any case, today - or lately - it appears I've been moving away from valuing that structure, planning, and step-by-stepness to embracing the chaos. Or, at least, a little more flexibility.

This proves, anonymous, that I am NOT fussy. Used to be, maybe. But not any more - I'm a new man now!


Well, the second thing that is interesting is the "multiple intelligences" test. I'll tell you, I was thrilled with the suggestion that I would even have one. But several? Yeah, baby!

You'll notice (or, more likely, I'll point out) that my scores for my second and third place intelligences are tied. And they are for intrapersonal intelligence and interpersonal intelligence. Here, then, are the characteristics I am likely to have.

I am (since I'm so interpersonally adept):
* Extroverted
* Enjoy social events, groups and crowds
* Enjoying teaching others, like to counsel others
* Have many friends
* Enjoy team sports (?!?)
* Love meeting new people
* Cooperative in groups
* Empathetic, sensitive to others' moods

And (due to my unquestionable intrapersonal strength):
* Introverted
* Prefers working alone, independent
* Philosophical
* Perfectionistic
* Often thinks of self-employment
* Enjoys journaling
* Intuitive
* Spends time thinking and reflecting, self-aware, likes learning about self

So, this could go one of two ways. Either it's a bit of a joke since it's tough to be many points on both those lists, or I am up for just about anything.

Guess which option I'm picking?

Have a good weekend, everybody. Thanks for reading.

Modesty

The little chick has been working on using the toilet. She did it quite a while ago, for a few days, and then lost interest and really didn't want to try again. She's decided now, though, that it's time, and she's doing very, very well.

On the first train-ride home with me after she began, she told me she wanted to show me her underwear. I explained that it was wonderful that she wasn't wearing a diaper, and I was very proud and very excited and we would be sure to marvel at her diaperless-ness once we got home, but that the train was not a great place to do that. Still, it was beautiful.

And I thought it was interesting, that both kinds of modesty - whether or not it's okay to be naked and whether or not it's okay to brag about what you've got going on - are learned, or, at least, develop over time.

Yeah, I know.... you were expecting some kind of catchy phrase or, at least, a point at the end. I don't have one. I just thought it was interesting.

Just For You

I'm a bit of an analytical kind of guy. And I have a kind of fascination with honesty.

I try, as much as I can, to be honest with myself, about myself. And I've done some pretty serious self-exploration over the last couple of years. I've figured some stuff out.

But it's always interesting to know how other people view me, too. I think sometimes people can see things in me that I can't see (or don't recognize) in myself. And sometimes, I think that they miss the reality of who I am because something about me - or about them - gets in the way of seeing the truth.

In any case, I've come to grips with two things:

1. Not everyone has the same penchant that I do for "I want to know!" (relative to just about everything that doesn't involve numbers or heavy machinery)
   
2. Asking "hey, what do you really think about me?" can put people in kind of an uncomfortable spot. Especially if they're not nearly as fond of me as I think and also value honesty

So, as a rule, I don't go around asking. But I am always intrigued when I get a clue or two.

Now, we all recommend stuff to people because we like it. But I'll probably tell everybody that they should listen to whatever my album du jour is, whether it's their style or not. Granted, I may be a special case in that regard ("it's not the music that's a problem; it's your taste"), but I think most of us would do that. So if someone tells me, "hey, I loved this book, you should read it", I may read it, but I'll often interpret it as a comment about that person, or where they're at at the moment.

It's different though, when they say it like this: "I saw a movie that you need to see - I think it's just the kind of movie you would like".

All of a sudden, I have a pretty fascinating window into what they think about me. It happened to me twice in the last week or so, both times from colleagues who wouldn't really have any way to know much about my taste in movies.

But they know me.

Thankfully, neither one of the shows contains the words "bimbos", "outer-space", or "chainsaw". So far, so good.

The first, which I've just started to watch is "Into The Wild". The second is "There Will Be Blood" (which, as far as I could tell when he described it, is slightly more sophisticated than its "chainsaw" cousins).

Since I haven't watched them, I can't really comment yet on what it is my colleagues are trying to say about my personality when they suggested them. But I'm kind of curious to see.

Do you do this? I can't be the only one... come on, it's safe to open up here. We're all friends, and your mother will never need to know. Mine will, but she won't tell...

Fun At Work

We did some values brainstorming yesterday at work - thinking about what's important for our company to move forward, and how we're actually doing in the things that we claim are our values now.

I loved it.

First of all, I am all over any kind of strategic, high-level, conceptual discussion like this... something that centers around the "why". I'm not sure how valued our input will be, but I love to give it.

But it was fun to make it work, too. Our regional manager introduced the workshop, which had a series of exercises and discussions designed to elicit the feedback from the group members. Then she said she'd leave it to us to organize ourselves and get it done. I was pretty curious to see what would happen... you get enough consultants in a room and things are bound to get interesting.

Now I'm not a guy who pushes my way into a leadership role, but I'm pretty happy to take it when it seems right. And this was a perfect fit for me... to keep the discussions on track, to clarify the points for people who had some trouble with the language (very few of my colleagues are native English-speakers, but the workshop and exercises were all in English), to manage the time, and to challenge the participants to get the best responses we could. Well, it wasn't long until I found myself taking it on... and I had a great time. It was cool, too, to have my colleagues thanking me after for making it work, for helping them to do something to the best of their abilities. I love that.

It's days like that that make me want to keep going back to work. I mean, there's also the fact that they keep putting money into my bank account on the 25th of the month. But days like this really help.

Cool.

What Moves Me, Part I - Love

As I mentioned a while ago, I have been thinking about the primary motivations in my life. You know, usual, "hey, just woke up and I'm in the shower, may as well figure out what my life's about" kind of stuff. It's pretty easy for me to think about what I do - but the why can be harder to nail down. How much is self-serving? How much is altruistic?

I may say that I do something for love, when the reason I actually do it is so that someone will love me, will treat me like I want to be treated. I'm not doing that for love - I'm doing that to get attention, affection, or comfort for myself, which isn't wrong, but is certainly different, most notably in the focus of my gain rather than the gain of the one I'm loving. And I think it's worth recognizing. I guess I'm especially interested in what (or if) anything that truly motivates me is for something other than my own personal good.

I may as well kick off with the big one, and the one that probably anyone would list.

Love.

It has a lot of levels. The one that I think is the most beautiful in my life is my love for my daughter... it may be the purest thing about me. I am a firm - fervent - believer in the fact that I don't have her to make my life richer, though that is an unquestionable effect of her life. In most ways, I don't think of me having her at all.

She has me.

She has me to love her, to protect her, to teach her, to support her, to encourage her, to train her, to guide her, to empower her. And the equation of our love is very different than in a romantic relationship, or a friendship. What I want in a romantic love is a partnership, a shared balance of giving and taking. But with my daughter, what I want is for her to be free to take what she needs, without ever thinking of that balance. I don't want "she owes me" to be part of our emotional language together. Do I want her to love me? Unquestionably. But I want it to be because she chooses to love me, not because it's a condition of my love for her.

Still, I wonder - how much of what my love for her is, is pure love, just an intent to give and build into her with no view to my own ends? And how much is because I want her to reflect well on me, or to think or act or believe like me? And where is the line between my desire to "grow" her - as honorable as it may be - and a love that is an end to itself?

I think that this is a truly deep and beautiful thing, but not a pure one, not one that I can say is completely for her. It's for me, too.

More to come, but I wanted to get the ball rolling...

ENFJ

I was talking to Josh a couple days ago and trying to remember my temperment type, especially thinking about how it impacts my relationships with people around me. So, this post is for him.

Going back and looking at the tests I've done, I'm an ENFJ (extroverted iNtuitive feeling judging... Teacher Idealist within that, if that means anything to you). It's been pretty interesting for me to revisit it a bit and see what the interweb says about me based on how I answer some questions. Certainly not 100% accurate, but rather flattering... I'm sure most of this will find its way onto my CV in one way or another.

Anyone else want to wade in on this?

[EDIT]

So here's another interesting piece of information I found. ..

favored careers:

casting directory, film critic, wedding planner, work in the performing arts, teacher (art, preschool, elementary), actor, fashion designer, news anchor, fashion merchandisier, school psychologist, broadcaster, stylist, interior designer, event coordinator, restarant owner, childcare worker, hair stylist, film director, counselor, dancer

disfavored careers:

race car driver, scientist, computer specialist, airline pilot, computer programmer, financial manager, epidemiologist, truck driver, electrical engineer, software designer, web designer, business consultant, dj, bookseller

I'm not sure that I am ready to pursue hair-dressing or wedding planning as my career; in any case, according to this I am certainly not well suited to my current job, which, oddly enough, incorporates no less than 6 of the 14 possible disfavored careers, one of which is my actual job title. Hooray!