How Hard Can It Be

I saw a commercial that said one out of four women has trouble understanding a traditional birth control test. I think the point was to sell a new variation.

Do you think that, maybe, if you can't match up what goes with the "+" and what goes with the "-", perhaps you're not the absolute best candidate for raising a child?

Just something to think about.

I Admit It

I have tried to pretend it's not true, or not really completely true, but I'm tired of lying to myself. It's time to come clean.

I like TV.

And I like reality shows.


I don't know what it is... maybe the lack of drama (and no, that's not a complaint) in my own relationships. Maybe I choose too many civil people to be friends with. But there is something about looking in on the really bizarre lives of some of these people who choose to put themselves into the public eye that I just can't get away from. I like Survivor and the Amazing Race... watching relationships develop and change or sometimes fall apart. I like American Idol (though mostly only the first few episodes of each season, where there is guaranteed to be at least one person shaking a finger around, saying "you don't know me! you can't judge me! you think I can't sing, but I can sing, and if you can't see that, then you can just..." and it goes on from there.

But I have a new favorite. It's called Blush - The Search for America's Next Top Makeup Artist.

Now some of you at this point (not naming names, British Nathan) probably think I'm making this up. But I'm not. I like what they do - some of them do some really great work - and I like watching the photography side of it. But what I really love is how completely removed it is from anything I've ever experienced before.

There was one straight man on it, but he's gone, and so now it is so incredibly camp, over the top, and terribly, terribly dramatic that I just can't stop watching. I have a feeling that more than a few minutes with any of the remaining hopefuls would be too much for me, but on TV, where I can mute them if it's too much, or go hunting for a hockey game, it's just about perfect.

Very, very fun.

The Boat

I saw a guy on TV wearing a sport jacket. Most of my clothes are still on the boat.

I miss them.

Bad, Bad, Bad

Nathan and I saw a Samsung commercial where they were talking about helping a little blind girl to get some kind of surgery to recover her sight. He mentioned that he hates it when companies who are really dodgy put out adds to try to spin their image.

Well, I didn't know that Samsung was bad, and he was a little fuzzy on the details. So, we decided to go where the truth can always be found: the internet. I did a search on "is samsung evil?" and was prompted to find the answer on youtube. Here's what I found.



Now I can only guess that it must rhyme in Japanese. But here are the lyrics in English.

Enjoy.


We didn't know you were shameless
That isn't fair - how could you?
Why you didn't apologize for your wrongdoing
No concept, no conscience

People go there by them selves
Don't know how they worked hard
And you say you know nothing
Oh my - we are very vexed

Chorus:
Tell me (lots of times)
Tell me you are sorry, you are really guilty
Tell me (lots of times)
Say you'll take the blame
Tell me (lots of times)
We cannot accept it any longer, tell me the truth right now
Tell me (lots of times)
Repent what you have done

Oil flows over the Tae Ahn coast
My heart is getting crazy
Watching fishing people like watching parents
It gets me tears

The tidal flat and the sea
You don't know how it is polluted
Disappeared fishers, dead shells
Oh my - get all the gone back alive

Chorus

YOu are the number one in desctruction, Samsung
You are the global polluting company Samsung, Samsung
Everybody is watching you
You know what you did, global pollution
Number one in destruction
Oh my - repent what you have done

Chorus




Oh, and for the record - I was too captivated by this to do any further research to validate it. But if it's on youtube...

Brommie

I remember the first time I heard a brommie (Birmingham) accent - it was on the radio (BBC 18 or some such creatively-named station, in true British form), and I was sure it was a joke. I couldn't believe that anyone would actually talk quite like that, and I found it absolutely fascinating. The program ended far too quickly, and I was disappointed to get back to a regular old BBC voice.

Well, the novelty has worn off.

There is a TV channel here called EuroNews. Clearly, they talk quite a bit about Europe, which is fine with me - somebody probably should. But the guy who does a lot of the voice-overs for them has, I believe, a brommie accent. And so there is one word for which he has a rather distinct pronunciation.

Unfortunately, it's "Europe".

When he says it, it comes out as "YOUR-op". This wouldn't be a big deal if it was "chesnuts" or "didactic" or some other word which didn't come up quite as frequently, but since YOUR-op can fall several times within the same sentence, I do find myself wondering exactly how he got the job. Knows the owner, maybe?

In other news, I've been sick, but there are more pictures on the way...

Picture This

So I've been watching an instructional camera video... trying to pick up a few pointers. It is fantastic, and even if you don't ever plan to use the camera they're talking about, I would highly suggest that you watch it... preferably, with me. Why do I love it so much?

It's all shot inside, but one of the presenters is wearing a safari hat. Here's what I think: if you're bald, either embrace it, join the hair club for men, or stick with your initial gut feeling that you shouldn't be doing video for public distribution. Some of those are better options than others, but you'll notice that "wear a safari hat" does not make the list, even as a footnote.

It's a great tool if you know someone who wants to shoot an instructional video without a script on the basis of "it's okay, we really know the topic". If you are interested in saying things like "here's the daylight savings time setting - we'll go ahead and switch that on because, hey - you never know" and "you change the ratio... no, wait, the ratio stays the same, you just change the balance...", then on-the-fly is a great way to go ahead.

There are even women in it! Men explain how to use the camera; women, how to attach the strap or play back the images. And no, I'm not kidding.

I think the best part, besides the safari hat, is where one of the guys is showing a picture of the stars at night... a picture that, even though I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt, is notably unremarkable. What, exactly, is it that he so loves about this picture? It shows not only the stars, but clearly captures his amateur radio tower.

Yeah.

So next time you've got a Friday night free and are looking for a little edu-tainment, I'm your man.

Bring your own hat.

Dancing Cell Phones

For some reason, cell phone operators LOVE advertising on CNN international. Irascom Telecom was a big one for a long time - handy for everyone looking to be traveling in Iraq and not sure about who their provider will be there when they arrive.

The one thing that they all seem to include is a series of shots of people dancing... always in native garb, and frequently through rolling green fields in the sunset. I just finished watching one for Pakistan... it had a guy riding in a private jet, the usual dancing, a lot of fantastic buildings. It left me with a question: when I'm traveling to a country on another continent, do I really care that much about traditional folk dances, or could I be more concerned with, say, if they have coverage at the airport and how much a text message is going to cost?

But then, I barely ever travel. What do I know.

The Olympics

Ah, it's great. The French are showing Judo; the Germans, women's air rifle.

One thing that will not be difficult to leave is the European concept of what constitutes a sport that should be shown on TV.

[EDIT] The French seem to have discovered the error of their ways. They've switched over to dressage - horses with fancy hair, trotting in a circle. Now if that's not a sport that's truly in the Olympic spirit, I don't know what would be.

Rolex

The Rolex golf ads feature shots of all the players who endorse them, golfing... and not wearing watches.

Now THAT's subtle.

Hockey Vs Soccer

Reasons that hockey is better than "football":

1. Better snacks - you can get Wendy's in the Saddledome. No such luck at a football match. Who wants another sausage?
2. Football is sooooo..... slooooooowwwwww..... in comparison. It's not as bad as baseball, but it's really, really slow. Anyone remember the Simpsons episode? They were (as usual) right.
3. Diving. Or, you could say, Italians.
4. Long, greasy hair. What is it with that hair? Maybe hockey players have it, but at least we don't have to look at it all game long. Can one of you P&G people please get these boys a bottle of Pert Plus or something?
   
5. "Highlights". Since the Euro Cup started, I've been watching "highlights" of... well, shots on goal. Sure, most of them are kind of slow, and go straight to the goal-keeper. But they warrant a spot on the highlight film, and that's a pretty big red flag. Once again, confer with baseball: "he hit it and.... somebody caught it. Let's see that again in super slo-mo, Rob".
6. Fighting, or a complete lack thereof. See also: Diving.

Yet... I can't stop watching.


Rats.

Cow Wrestling

Yes, you read it right. It's a fascinating insight into Swiss culture, and it's on TV right now, complete with slow-motion replays of the cows digging in the "ring", standing side by side, apparently unaware that they are supposed to be locked in fierce combat, and wearing huge bells. It's like Sumo, but without all the rice-throwing.

I'm recording it, so if you live in Calgary (or Geneva, for that matter) you may, at some point, have the pleasure of watching it in all of it's "wow, did they really put this on TV?" glory.

And I'd like it to be noted and added to my cultural sensitivity score that I didn't put culture into ironic quotes in the first paragraph. I should be a diplomat, or something.


Oh, and for those of you unable to wait for the full version with slow-motion replays, interviews with the farmers and their families (none actually with the cows yet, but I'm keeping a close eye out), and what I'm sure is riveting commentary, you can get a taste here:

Superstar Hair Challenge

I've managed to squeeze in a little bit of TV while I've been back with my parents. Some of it has been no good. I've been sad, still, that the food network somehow continues without either the original Iron Chef or David Rosengarten. All of it has had WAY too many commercials.

But some has been very good indeed.

And I like this one - the superstar hair challenge. It's like American Idol, but with hair. It kind of makes me wish I had a better haircut. It kind of makes me wish I had some friends who were hairdressers, though I'm afraid the lisps and constant brandishing of thinning shears may get to me after a while. But mostly, I just love that they take it very, very seriously.

I can't wait to get back to Geneva. I may not get it done by a superstar, but I'm getting a wash and a cut. Less dramatic than the "freestyle showdown", but I'm going to enjoy it. Cool.

Republicans

I'm watching a bit of the debate for the republican presidential candidates. I'm not really a republican - I'm not even American (don't tell them), but it's pretty interesting. Here are my impressions.:

Keys - has yet to actually answer a question. He may not be an idiot, but it's not helping his case when it doesn't seem that he's able to actually link up a (long-winded) response with a question. He's much more interested in talking about how his ideas are all being oppressed. I gotta admit, I don't get it. I mean, he's on TV, talking about whatever he wants to talk about. I wish my ideas were that oppressed.

Giuliani - comes across as legitimate. I can't help but like him.

McCain - good, well spoken and intelligent. Just gives the impression of a man who should be in charge.

Huckabee - doesn't seem to have much to say... nice sentiments, but vaguer than... something really vague. Like, a really vague kind of pudding or something. Likes his pet phrases ("weapons of mass instruction", "I can't part the red sea, but I can part the red tape", "we're a polarized country, and that's led to a paralyzed government"), so I guess he'll get votes from people who are into that. I don't have anything to say about what kind of people those would be. I wouldn't have guessed, though, that he's been a state governor for 10 years.

Tancredo - tough to understand... may have some good stuff to say, but he's not a great speaker.

Hunter - okay, I guess, but seems like he's more about good stories than principles, like McCain and Guiliani project.

Thomson - reminds me of a football commentator. That's not necessarily bad, I guess. Just depends what you're looking for. I did find it a little odd that he seemed to think that NAFTA was only between the US and Mexico.

Romney - seems to know his stuff, but just comes across as a little too polished, somehow. Maybe it's just because I'm Canadian.

Paul - everything he says makes it sound like he's trying to pick a fight. There's a fine line between determined and pissed off, guy, and nobody is going to want to listen to that for four years. Is he really that angry? I think he may need someone to help him.

They're all following similar conservative themes... freer market forces, enhanced security, less tax, smaller government. But at least they've admitted that global warming may actually be happening, and that people may even be contributing to it.

They Make Me Proud

To be Swiss.

The Cherry Blossoms

They're playing Wales. And they're only down by 4.

[EDIT] OOOH! They're winning! They had a full-field run to score a try. Go, cherry blossoms! Blossom with all your cherry might!

[EDIT] Okay, it didn't last long. But they might come back.

I Miss You

My mind went tonight, as it sometimes does, to the Simpsons. I love this one:

Selma Bouvier(DMV Employee testing Otto for his licence):

Selma Bouvier: "When you do good, I use the green pen, when you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?"
Otto Mann: "Uh, yeah. You used to be a man right? You can tell me, I'm open minded."
Selma Bouvier: "I won't be needing this!" (drops the green pen in the trash)


I may need to get on ebay one of these days and fix this.

The Coolest Thing Ever

I wrote about the Eurovision Song Contest here, and here, and here, and especially here. There are a couple other places, too, but you get the point.

I'm a fan.


And I just saw an add for the coolest thing ever. It's here. And that's all I'm going to say about that, for now.

*rubbing hands - the gleeful way, not the devious way*

I'll Make You Famous

I was just watching some stuff about the Montreux Jazz Festival on the local TV station and saw a guy who had been filming some spots while I was waiting for the Beastie Boys. Interesting, I thought, that's who he was shooting for. Then they showed me, sitting in the line.

I could tell it was me because I was the only one in line. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: that's not really much of a line. And it wasn't, but it's where the line would eventually be, and so I'm going to call it the line, even if I was the only one there.

I've sometimes had people ask me about the people I shoot on the street... how would I feel if someone did that to me? Turns out I don't really mind. And it's happened for me with pictures before that I know of, and I'm guessing I've been in a few more that I didn't see. My only regret is that I don't usually get to see it after.

Maybe I don't watch enough TV.

[EDIT] Well, at least I'm not alone. As one of three people who regularly watches the Montreux update, I saw they got Natalie for a reaction coming out of a show the next night. Unfortunately, I had turned the sound down to listen to something else, so I have no idea if she enjoyed Tori Amos as much as I did when I saw her (mistakenly thinking she was Paula Cole) a few years back. More, I hope...

The Best Add In The World

I wish I could find it online. It's from the Maldives tourism board, and I've even emailed them asking if it's available somewhere. They ignored me completely.

Picture this - absolutely stereotypical shots of a beach... a family playing, the sun going down, a gorgeous woman rising out of the water, David Hasselhof running in slow motion. And a big black guy, singing the following in falsetto to some terrible slow-jam R&B:

Everybody needs to feel well,
To be well
Everybody needs some sun,
Everybody needs so much fun
Everybody needs a roll in the sand,
Everybody needs to walk hand in hand

It's playing on CNN international, and it's just beautiful. I wish I could share it with you, and I'm not done looking.

Block Voting, And The Winner

As we expected:
Montenegro, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Croatia, Macedonia, and Slovenia voted for Serbia
Belarus voted for Russia
Ukraine and Russia voted for Belarus
Denmark and Norway voted for Sweden; Sweden returned the favor for Finland
Greece voted for anyone other than Turkey, but Germany voted for Turkey
Turkey voted for anyone other than Greece, but Cyprus voted for Greece

I'm still not convinced that Moldova is a country.

The Swiss commentators only mentioned DJ Bobo four times, as far as I heard, which is about 20 times less than I was expecting.

And, in the end, the winner is Serbia. I was hoping that the Ukraine would pull through in the end (the Serbian song was boring almost beyond imagination) but it was not to be...

See you next year...