The Carrier

I have a carrier that I have used with the little chick since she was born - I strap her to my chest, and that way we can talk, she can see what I see, I can sing to her as we walk, and she can swing her legs and hold my hands. We both like it a lot.

But it has taken on a little bit of a different feel for me today.

On the way home from church I saw a woman with the same carrier. But she wasn't carrying a baby.

She was carrying a cat.

Now, to be fair, I'm not a cat guy. I'm not a pet guy at all, really... I guess I have all the companionship that I want from my friends and my family, and I don't need anything around that is going to is going to expect me to feed it and make my place dirty - the little chick and I do quite well on that front between the two of us. And yes, I can hear you cat people already... "but cats are very clean animals, blah, blah, blah". They get clean by licking themselves. Have you ever actually tried this? It may do the trick for a couple of days, but I have to tell you - after a week, everyone around you is going to be begging you to go back to the shower method. They leave hair where I don't want it. They walk on counters and tables. So, yeah, they're clean, compared to a horse or something (and you horse people can just keep it to yourselves... honestly!), but they're not really clean.

And you can also say what you want about them being independent and intelligent and whatever else, but I'm not buying it. I've been around cats. They never say anything funny. They never introduce me to a new band. They don't bring me snacks. They don't even show any kind of appreciation when I make some kind of effort and try to engage them in any kind of discussion. I'm not saying they're useless, but I would say that they are most useful when combined with teriyaki sauce and a deep-fryer.

And, while I'm on it, dogs are only marginally better. They're a little more interactive, I think, though in most cases "interaction" means jumping up on me, licking/sniffing me in places I'm not particularly interested in sharing, and acting as though I'm threatening their life with my very presence. Maybe they're worse, in fact, since cat people can at least leave their cats at home and pretend to be like normal people for an evening. Dog people? You invite them for dinner and they ask if they can bring the dog. Why in the world would you want a dog to come over for dinner? Have you ever seen a dog eat? Why would I want more of that? "Only if you promise that he'll spend at least half of the meal licking his crotch," I used to say. The only problem is, I have yet to have a dog owner pick up on the (subtle) sarcasm, and in every case but one they replied, "oh, no problem!". The other one wasn't sure and turned down the invitation.

In any case, if you speak about yourself as "mommy" in reference to your animal, show me a portrait with a pet in it, or tell me that Foo-foo is part of the family, laughter is about the best response you can hope to get from me.

So when I saw the woman with the cat strapped to her in a carrier, I naturally asked myself a few questions:

1. Was she perhaps drunk?
2. How surprised was she going to be when she got to where she was going and realized that she had left the baby at home with a saucer of chicken and liver meow mix?
3. Was the cat actually no longer alive? This one disturbed me so much that I only thought about it for 15 minutes before forcing myself to move on.
4. Where was she going that it would be useful to have a cat unable of propelling itself? Maybe a bbq?

I didn't get a picture. I had my camera there, but, in my experience, no one has less of a sense of humor than a pet-person who feels that their loyalty, values, and freedom to pursue their chosen lifestyle is being called into question. And I've tried the whole "we're not here to judge" thing, but, honestly, I just can't pull it off. As a matter of fact, I have already changed apartments and anticipate that I will get several death threats (3 from people I know, 2 from strangers is my best estimate) just for writing this post. But really!