ENFJ - An Overview

So, with my disclaimer in mind, this is all about me.

The best site I've come across so far in terms of explaining the Myers-Briggs types (MBTI) once you know what yours is, is personality pages. You can find more here, or just do a search. For a nice overview, this site is good, too. This one is very nice, too, and offers a really clear distinction between each of the pairs (E/I, N/S, F/T, J/P), which makes it a good starting point.

You can find a few tests online. I've done this one, and Caro, who knows quite about this stuff, endorses it.

I'm an ENFJ:

Mildly extroverted (22%). So I like being with people, but need time on my own, too. If only I could be alone with people, it would be ideal.

Really, really, really intuitive (100%). Not in the sense of being psychic ("you're thinking about... how hairy Robin Williams turned out to be in The Fisher King!"), but in the sense of connecting in a far deeper way with what it possible than what we experience through our senses. It means that, for me, what I see or hear is just a starting point, and that the interpretation and meaning that I derive from it is far more important than the "data" I collect. It's why the conversation we had changed my life, but I can't quite remember your name next time I see you. Sorry about that, by the way.

Just a little feeling (12%) in how I process things, as opposed to working in a strictly intellectual way... the head/heart balance. But this one is almost too close to call.

Pretty judging (44%). This is not the same as judgmental, I'd like to point out. It means, externally, preferring order and organization to a lot of open options. It means that when I travel, I book the hotel ahead. It means that I draw conclusions that I'm willing to live by. I'd rather organize the world around me than let it run its course and adapt to it.

These are excerpts of the ENFJ description on personality pages, with my comments. And I'll say again... this is, in a way, more for me than for you. Writing helps me think, and I'm publishing it here in case you find it helpful or interesting. But I won't be pissed if you get bored and skip it. I promise, there's no quiz at the end of the semester.

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.

I don't see myself as being driven primarily by feeling, but "how things fit into my personal value system" is dead-on. I used to think I was stubborn. Okay, I still think I'm a little stubborn. But I've discovered that it's a lot deeper than that... I am not stubborn in the sense that I'm unwilling to change. I'm very willing to change - eager to change - when I understand the change to be an improvement, a closer understanding of real truth. But I am anchored to my principles, and I won't compromise them to make my circumstances easier. It turns out that if there is one thing I'm not, it's pragmatic, especially when pragmatism leans towards relativism. If I believe it's right and I believe it's important, I don't care what it costs me to hold on to it. If I want Italian and you want Chinese, we'll probably end up going for Chinese, and I'll be a-okay with that. But I won't lie to smooth out a problem. I hope that it ends up being flexible but anchored.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities.

This one is interesting for me... I find myself swinging between being people-focused and being very much drawn toward abstract and intellectual pursuits. But either way, it is certainly a world of possibility. When I enter a conversation, I wonder how it may change me, or how it may change the person I'm talking to. When I pick up a book, I wonder how my views will grow as I read it. When I am creating, that potential of "I wonder what could be" is what drives me to put down another track, to stay out and take some more pictures, or to keep writing.

I don't know if I will create something amazing, but I know that, if I stop, I certainly won't. And I really hate that thought.

ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people.

Kind of. Almost. I do love that, but I think my main interest is in realizing possibility in one way or another. In myself, to become the man I was created to be. In my relationship with my little chick, to show her love that is real love - concerned more with her than with me - and so to equip her to fulfill her own potential. In art, to create something that would remain uncreated if I didn't do it, but also would leave me without the growth and experience that goes hand in hand with creating. And with people I am in relationship with, to show them love and support that goes beyond a good time, not just to enable them to grow, but because I do love them.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal.

Yeah, this one is on the money, and has proven to be a major challenge for me. Thankfully, I rarely see it any more in my personal relationships... I've discovered that being open and vulnerable may be a little scary, but it's best. Best for me, best for the person I'm talking to. It's more challenging when I'm in a teaching position... I am still inclined to play the role of mediator (which is what we chameleons call it) rather than participating in a group as me. It's not because I'm trying to hide, but because I'm trying not to get in the way.

I think what holds me back is that I have the sense that I have the potential to be an intellectual bully, though generally a very well-intentioned one. I like debate. In my university philosophy classes, I used to love choosing the most interesting position and putting it forward and then defending it, regardless of what I actually believed. It's the challenge of it... it's like a sport, but without the sweating. So when I'm in a group situation, I want to get us to the best possible point through the discussion, but I don't want to be directive in it, for fear of pushing someone into something that they don't really embrace for themselves. It's a tough balance for me to find.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

Well, this is the most uncomfortable part for me to post. "People love me." You can sign up for the fan club here - free tee shirt with 3-year membership.

I can be more diplomatic than straight-forward... when I was younger, I had a tendency to be a little too blunt. I've overreacted, I guess, and while I value honesty very highly, I don't want to use it to hurt people.

Do I really understand people? I don't think so. I really care about people, but I think my desire to see and believe the best in everyone around me has often clouded my judgment, sometimes with devastating results. I've been manipulated. Odds are not bad that I'm still being manipulated. And I'm sure that I will be again. But if I have to choose between cynicism and safety or being willing to be hurt in order to give people around me the chance to reach their true potential, it's an easy call. Bring it on, baby.

Self-confident? Check. Fast-paced? Not so much. And I wonder if the key to anyone being good at whatever captures their interest is just a matter of choosing your interests to fit who you are. I'm pretty good at artsy kinds of things without having too much trouble. I can tell you already, though, that helping Allison with her math homework is going to be a bit of a stretch.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

Social committee? That's a frightening thought, though I suppose that, between poker nights, trips with friends, and various other things, I do end up doing a lot of this... just in a really unofficial kind of way. But my favorite part of my job is dealing with people... I love it, and I'm good at it, unless it comes down to monitoring the details of what someone else is (or is supposed to be) doing. "Big picture" doesn't even begin to describe me in that context. But when I can work with a room full of people and get everyone moving through conflict and in the same direction it's an amazing high.

Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

Yeah. "What's next?" is a big question for me. No question, I'm better at starting than finishing. The past? Forget it. I'm more interested in the song I just started than the one I just completed. I try to live in the present, but I'm looking forward.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

This, to my benefit or detriment, is certainly true.

An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

Well, the good news is, I seem to have found my place in the world.

I don't see myself as manipulative or controlling, and when I've asked friends about this, they have backed me up. But maybe I just made them do it. I want to be influential, but not controlling, and, for me, there's all the difference in the world there.

And before I "found my place in the world" I was extremely sensitive to criticism - not sensitive in the sense of becoming defensive and bitter, but in being deeply hurt by the fact that I had let someone down. Thankfully, now, I am able to take pretty much what comes in stride. It's not that I'm no longer affected; I am affected appropriately now. I like that.

I don't know how much understanding my place in the world has had to do with worry, though. I think that's been more a case of getting to know a God who is worthy of trust.

That's enough for part one. Anyone else want to share their letters?