So why won't they let me say it?
I was at a retreat this weekend with a group from my church, and the speaker started out one of the sessions talking about an idea he had... and how we may have a different perspectives, and he wanted to hear about them.
Only, I don't think he did. Because he started to talk, and then he didn't stop. He didn't even slow down.
You know, I don't have a problem with people just doing their thing. But it pisses me off like you wouldn't believe when they say, "let's have a discussion" or, "I'd like to hear your thoughts on this" and then refuse to actually stop and listen. I mean, if you want to get my input, then I'm happy to give it. But if you don't want it, don't ask for it and then just refuse to listen to it.
Please.
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11 comments:
Oh please tell me!! tell me!! I want to hear what you didn't get to say. Really!! Tell me!!
If you didn't get to voice it, and you really want to say it...let's have it..it ought to be good!
jc
Sorry you didn't get to say it. It drives me up the wall as well. It's particularly infuriating when you're giving all the physical cues that say "my turn now" and the other person is simply code-blind. So what did you want to say?
Well, yeah. It was nothing revolutionary I'm afraid, and while it may have developed into something, once I realized what was going on all positive thought progression stopped and I found myself just ruminating on being sold a discussion and then handed a talk. Not that healthy.
I once had a teacher in college who had, shall we way, a very different world-view than I did on matters of morality and art. There was one class where he said something he shouldn't have about 3 minutes in. I put up my hand to challenge him, and he proceeded to ignore me... for the remaining 57 minutes of the class. I never took my hand down, and when it was over, he ran for the door at the back of the room in a way that was not really befitting a man of learning.
And I was sitting in the front row.
I thought this only happened to women and really wierd/obnoxious people one is trying to avoid. While I don't like to hear of you being ignored in such a lovely way, I'm rather relieved to know it can happen to a normal guy whom everybody knows and loves....
It must not be personal... :-)
Incidentally, I just got back from *my* young adults retreat, and our speaker was the bomb. He didn't attempt to have a discussion with his audience during the talks, but he sure was great in casual conversation... and his demonstrated respect for women (thoroughly equal, not obvious) was refreshing.
"Tomething"?
Rats, didn't see that at all. Whoops... merci!
Awww! I liked tomething better.
Sorry, Dandy... of all the things I may be, a guy who uses the baby voice that that spelling makes me think of is most definitely not one of them. Honestly, I think it's better for all of us this way.
Daryl, It's unfortunate but i have seen many high-profiled speaker who spoke and spoke and never stop. i hate that 'it's about ME so u listen to ME' attitude. No matter how high-up you are, it's good to stop and listen, because when you listen, you truly learn.
MAybe you should tell that speaker of yours how you truly felt, maybe your feedback will help him improve :)
...just my humble opinion
Darryl, maybe we need to give the guy a bit of a break. He was the "speaker" not the "listener" - but I agree, his presentation was a little off right at the start with his comment about wanting to know what you think and not giving opportunity. He just baited you and then wouldn't let you bite!Retreats, etc. would be rather different if there were just listeners, not speakers. I guess that's why there are sometimes silent retreats (I don't remember what they're called). I understand that what "bugs" you is that he stated that he wanted to know what you thought, but then gave no opportunity to find out. Maybe another time...
Veronneca, I maybe would... but this guy is 70 and, I have a hunch, pretty set in how he does what he does. And, to be fair, it probably works well for some people - I spoke to some after the retreat who thought it was wonderful, and others who felt a little more like I did. Tricky...
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