Duchamp's Fountain

One of my colleagues has a charm bracelet that she wears sometimes... I think I noticed it especially because it is the kind of thing that doesn't seem to have any male equivalent. I think that, usually, there is a kind of parallel that men and women have:

Woman: has a child; loves her child
Man: has a car; wouldn't use the word "love", but it's his car

Okay, I can't think of any more, but there probably are some. Let's not get stuck on the details.

It makes for a certain order in the universe. But I couldn't think of the male parallel to a charm bracelet. I think that if we had one, it might be more like a tee shirt with hieroglyphs. Women's charm bracelets (not that I've had a ton of exposure to them) seem to me to usually be filled with things like pictures of their children, tea pots, little dogs, and so on.

Not really my thing.

If I got a tee shirt, I'm not sure what all it would have, but I do know one thing: a urinal.

This is one of the most comforting things in the world for me, for a couple of reasons. First of all, it means that I don't have to worry about sitting down to pee. And to those of you who don't really have this option, that might not seem like a big thing, but let me just tell you - it is. I'm not exactly sure why. I just know that it's so. But the other reason is even bigger.

Have you ever been to a place where they have felt the need to be clever with designating which washroom (that's "bathroom" for you Americans and "toilet" for the Europeans) is which? It's like naming your children as if you're a rock star (Moon Unit? Dweezil? Come on, Frank!); just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I know they're trying to make it just a little more interesting, but honestly, when I'm looking for a place to pee, interesting is not really what I'm in the market for. I want quick, and I want certain. I don't want pictures, don't want other languages, don't want anything clever at all. I want to know which door to go in through, and which door is just going to be a problem. I don't want "Beagles" and "Spaniels" or "Cops" and "Robbers" or "Cagney" and "Lacey"... I want "Men" and "Women".

But no matter what it says on the door, there is no feeling of security quite like opening up that door and seeing those urinals. It's not that they are particularly pretty - they just tell me that I'm safe. That no one is going to see me, scream, and shriek "you shouldn't be in here!". Or, if they do, it will have to be for a whole different set of reasons.

Yeah, I'm not sure exactly what else would be on the shirt, but I have a pretty good hunch that is not going to find its way onto a charm bracelet any time soon.

It's a good start. And yeah... it's good to be a man.