U. S. of Eh

Well, I'm getting over jet-lag and am ready for a good week. Here are my first impressions of Texas:

1. Disturbing lack of Texas hair - frankly, I was expecting more... more bangs, more back-combing, more... well, more. But the hair here is pretty much like hair in most other places I've been. It's not bad, it's just a little like getting to Hawaii and realizing that not everyone wears those grass skirts all the time. It's a sobering kind of experience.

2. Jesus lives here - there are a lot of churches. And ads (billboards) for churches. All different kinds of churches, including one that I was on the way in from the airport that said "Get empowered to win!". I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to be winning, and it would be presumptuous of me to assume that it's going to be more closely related to a new Lexus than it is to, say, patience developed through enduring difficulty. I don't know - maybe it's about football. Hard to tell, just from a sign.

3. It's tough to get in - it took me 90 minutes to get through the passport control at customs. I don't know if the people in my line were all nasties, or if the guy who was checking them just liked to be extra-thorough, but it was a long, long wait. Lots of checking, and then phoning, and then stamping, and then more phoning and checking. I will say this, though - by the time I got to the front (after finally changing lines), the guy who checked me was friendly. And the guy doing the luggage check on the way out was like one of those dancing traffic cops you see on TV, only with luggage carts and customs declaration cards, instead. He was pretty cool.

4. My name's Steve and I want to be your friend - yes, I'm back in the land of "gratuity not included in price", which means that, once again, I'm popular. Everywhere I eat, people want to get to know me. They want to know how I'm doing, where I'm from, if I'm having a good time. All of which would be pretty cool if I wasn't paying them for it, which makes it seem just a little bit seedy. But not entirely... the people here do seem to be pretty friendly. Hearts as big as... um, Texas, and all that. I'm wearing a watch that I haven't worn in a while, and the clasp was a little bit loose. There's a mall attached to my hotel, so I found a shop this afternoon (yes, on a Sunday) that sells the same brand, and asked if they could tighten it up and move one of the links from one side of the bracelet to the other. And they did. With a smile, and no charge. I like that.

5. Land of the free, depending on what you're looking for - yeah, they get a little freaked out about dangerous things like Cuban cigars (as everyone knows, cigars are always the first step in a revolution), but they are refreshingly non-intrusive on other matters. I saw a guy on a big bike without a helmet. At first I was really confused, then then I just thought, you know, it's his head. Why not?

6. We're gonna make you buy - the stores are huge. Okay, it's Texas, and a lot of things are huge (I had wings last night that, I'm pretty sure, were from turkeys. But, they were playing a hockey game, so all is forgiven, and then some), but the stores are remarkable, and, after being in a place where I only shop at stores I can walk to for a long time, a little overwhelming. And the advertising is a bit over the top (or OTT for my British friends). I heard an add for a used car lot, specializing in selling flash cars to people with "less than perfect" credit. It's called Shabana motors, and if you go there, you are not just buying a car. You are getting Shabana-tized. And no, I kid you not. They actually said this, out loud, on their radio add. Tasteless? Yes. Absurd? Certainly. But you have to admit - it takes a lot of guts to come right out with something like that. I give them an "A" for heart.

It still freaks me out that everyone is speaking English, and that the tables at restaurants are far enough apart to actually walk between. But it's good. I think it's going to be a good couple of weeks.