Stockholmers, Part I

I mentioned to Richard that my first visit to Stockholm (10 years ago) was a little like walking onto the set of Baywatch or a beer commercial or something. In the immortal words of Zoolander, everyone was just really, really good-looking. Like, almost freakishly so. Enough that I feared that, at some point, my presence would come to the attention of the authorities and they would send me off to wherever it is that they keep all the average-looking people. Denmark, I suppose.

When I came in on Monday night, he asked if I had had the Baywatch experience again. I said no, that in fact it was the architecture that had really wowed me, and that the people really weren't as exceptional as I had remembered. Well, he said, in the old town it's mostly tourists, so if I really wanted to do people watching to see the Swedes, there were a couple other spots I should try.

Today, I didn't go to the spots he suggested, but Stockholm is having a cultural festival, so I spent all day on the site of that (the Kungsträdgärden). Even so, Richard was right: it was different.

To say that Stockholm has a disproportionate number of really stunning women doesn't even begin to hint at the reality. I'm not usually at a loss for description, but I don't know how to begin to really describe this, here. And, after coming home and going through my pictures with Dorothy, we agree that there are also a whole lot of men who seem to have the same fortunate genetics going on. Forget Volvos - their biggest national export should be killer bone structure.

So, I'm back in the beer commercial and hoping to make it through the rest of the week without being found out and deported.

Dorothy and I were talking about it and trying to isolate some of the key factors that make them so beautiful. These are the ones we came up with.

1. Good bones. Cheeks, jaws, and noses... this is the foundation, and if it's not there, it doesn't matter how good your skin is. They have "just high enough" cheekbones (higher than most Europeans, but lower than the Finns) and always well-proportioned noses.

2. Good skin. 99% of the people here have really beautiful tans. and most have really great skin to go with it. The other 1% is split between a few who have overdone it on the tan and those going for the goth look. Sweden and Canada have a lot in common, I think, but we do not tan like that. I know, I know... if they're all tanning today, they won't have that wonderful skin 15 years down the road, but somehow, here, they seem to. No, I don't know how; and yes, if I figure it out I'll tell you.

3. That hair. Not all Swedes are blond, but there are far more here than I have seen elsewhere, and their hair tends to often also be fairly fine. The women almost always wear it long, and the majority of the time it's straight or with just a bit of a wave to it. I'm not saying that's the only recipe for success, but it's dramatic, even when it's everywhere, and it works for them. Coincidentally, it's great for taking pictures of in the wind.

4. The details. I have one friend who will disagree with me on this, but Swedish women take good care of their eyebrows, and it makes a big impact. They also are pretty predictable in terms of makeup: lots of eyeliner and fairly heavy mascara; very, very light but glossy lip color, and not much else that's visible for the most part. It comes off, for me, as being a perfect balance of natural and dramatic, which is not an easy balance to strike, and you never have that problem of trying to follow all of the colors around, trying to figure out what you're supposed to be concentrating on. For the record, Dorothy thinks they wear too much eye makeup. I think she may be confused. A huge number (even with dark hair) have very light eyes, so I think it really helps to bring them right out where they should be.

They don't fit all the other stereotypes: they aren't all skinny, they aren't all tall. Most don't dress spectacularly, but I think between the really well-kept hair, the right kind of makeup and the tans, they just look so... healthy. It really is amazing.

Since I've been having trouble posting this, I'm going to see if shortening it will help. Hopefully, there's more to come.