I Hate Physics

No offence to Science Nathan, Fred, or any of my other friends inclined in this direction. And, to be clear, I don't discount either the challenge or value of their research. I just hate the effects of physics.

There's the whole, "wow, I really didn't mean for that to fall, unbidden, to the earth and shatter" thing, but that's not even the one that really gets me. What I want to know is, why does music have to go flat when I yawn? Yeah, I know that the change in shape of my jaw when I extend it to yawn lessens the tension in my eardrum, and the rate of vibration that my ear senses has to change accordingly. I know why it happens, physically. But I don't know why it has to happen, metaphysically.

I don't want it to sound like all of a sudden everyone decided to detune... even if there was a musical precedent for it, it almost always ruins a song to key-change down partway through. And it never sounds even... my mind always remembers the key we're supposed to be in, and I generally just hear the vocal sliding down at first. I can't always stifle the yawn until between tunes, though I would if I could, believe me. So, when I'm tired or bored, I run the risk of having my music turning sour. Talk about a vicious cycle.

Maybe physics aren't to blame - maybe it's a physiological issue, and I just need some kind of rigid inner-ear implants to ensure that the tension in my ear is constant, regardless of what the rest of my head is doing. Hmmmmmm. I wonder if it would be possible to rig something up with paper-clips and saran wrap? Looks like I have a new weekend project. If anyone else wants to help with the research, I'll provide lunch and headphones. Please bring your own anesthetic.